Kurt Deutscher’s “Unofficial” Biography
The following are actual events in Kurt’s life.
During his tenure in elementary school, Kurt was issued the school’s first and only permanent hall pass. He was also the kid with the bright orange flag who helped others cross the busy intersections safely, stayed after school to vacuum the chalkboard erasers, and always set up and ran the movie projector for the substitute teacher.
Over 80,000 people have marched to the beat of his drumming; literally.
He survived that awkward childhood moment when he realized his fancy new bed was a hand-me-down from a recently deceased family dog.
He’s been exposed to CS gas, and smoke grenades, threatened with bombs during performances, shaken by TNT, felt the hot iron of a hand grenade fragment in his back, and been nearly crushed in a moving vehicle twice; and he has a dent in the back of his head to prove it.
As an educator, he helped “lightbulb” the minds of nearly 4,000 youth.
When he turned 18, his parents moved out on their own.
Kurt was jokingly voted “Most Creative” by his college classmates and then became the founder of a successful creative services company.
He quit wearing a watch in 1981 when he discovered natural rhythms.
Kurt is a graduate of the only elementary school in his hometown that’s is known for serving beer in the classrooms.
He is the first recipient of the “Golden Joely” award for Best Prank, and later, in a completely unrelated turn of events, became the drummer for the Pranksters Big Band.
Kurt knows, through first-hand experience, that you can’t open the back doors of a police car from the inside.
Having once been knocked unconscious by a lightning strike, he finds no reassurance in the familiar saying “Lightning never strikes in the same place twice”.
Kurt missed an entire interdepartmental meeting once while being grilled by a State Licensing Inspector before she gave his program passing marks. Later, he learned that, during the missed meeting, he had been both nominated and elected head of the organization’s safety committee.
He once performed an entire gig with a 19-piece big band while still in his pajamas.
In a failed attempt to demonstrate his mastery of military sword technique, Kurt mistakenly hit himself right between the eyes with the back of the sword blade, cutting his eyeglasses in half.
He’s been seen drumming on the JumboTron at the Chargers stadium in San Diego.
At the age of 60, the State of Washington informed him that he had an older brother, which led to the discovery of an ex-sister-in-law, nephew, and two nieces he had never met.
He once lied during an interview about being able to play the auto-harp. After being offered the job, he had less than a week to figure out how to restring one, tune it, and play it while singing.
As a civilian, he literally “dodged a bullet” one day while driving his van when a live round passed through the glass of the right-rear passenger window, flew past his face, and went out the open driver’s side window on a freeway onramp.
In the dark of night, he single-handedly threw 12 sleeping boys out of a burning cabin while they were still in their sleeping bags.
In 1989, Kurt was the first to promote jazz concerts at The Old Church in Portland Oregon, establishing it as one of the city’s longest-running jazz concert venues.
He got his first paying job at age 11, earned the money for his first drum set at age 13, played his first professional gig at age 17, and joined the United States Marine Corps Band at age 19.
Kurt is a former voting member of NARAS (The Grammys).
Due to a healthcare staffing shortage, he served 24/7 as his mother’s main hospice nurse for 10 days.
Although Kurt’s drumming has not been heard in a parade since serving in the USMC Band, drumline cadences he composed for area high schools have been.
Kurt developed the ZooTeen program for the Oregon Zoo over three decades ago; this program is still in operation and has won national awards for fostering youth leadership and has become a benchmark for Zoos around the world. (now called The Oregon Zoo Wildlife Leaders (OWLs) program).
He is a first-generation college graduate.
A song he wrote for a mentor decades ago is still being sung by the staff of environmental education programs all over Oregon.
“Oh no!” ..the first words out of his father-in-law’s mouth after learning his daughter married Kurt.
Kurt founded a small business that became one of the first three dozen Certified B Corporations in the State of Oregon.
Kurt knows how to make a personal flotation device out of his trousers.
His drip-marketing technique has been used in university curricula in Texas.
People called him “Powdered Sugar” during the 1980s when he performed in the Southern California Chitlin Circuit.
Kurt received an honorable discharge after serving four years of active duty as a United States Marine where he also received a good conduct medal.
Kurt once performed music for the dedication of a medium-sized rock in the middle of a desert with a band that outnumbered the attendees ten-to-one.
Kurt has performed on over 30 compact disc recordings.
He once had an unexpected visit to the San Diego County Jail with 35 of his co-workers to have dinner after a gig.
Nearly all of Kurt’s formal education, including elementary, middle, high school, and university, was provided by institutions that are now permanently closed.
He knows how many Marines it takes to clutch-start a 56-passenger charter bus.
Kurt survived over two months of government-imposed food and sleep deprivation in 1982.
He has beach walked right through the arch at Arch Cape.
Kurt has worked with dozens of youth at risk of succeeding in inner-city schools.
Although he’s never owned a rifle or gun, Kurt was a riflery expert; third award during his active duty in the USMC.
His drumming is featured in the soundtrack of a professional fly-tying video.
He’s a good guy to have around when you’ve encountered a 6-foot lizard, your arm suddenly has two elbows, your building may be on fire, your classroom is flooding with water, the lead rope is slipping, you are sliding off your roof, you are passed-out in a diabetic coma, and when you’ve got blackberry thorns in your paw.
And yes… he did drive the jungle bus!